PICU Day 3: Ups and Downs

 

 After I went home Tuesday night, I brought back lots of letters of love for Isaac.  I read them to him and then hung them on his wall.  It looks a little happier here in room 9 now.  Isaac can get mail here!  His address is:
Isaac Dansie Room 2309
c/o PCMC
100 Mario Capecchi Drive
Salt Lake City UT 84113

 They reduced sedation a little bit to see if Isaac could try to breath with the help of the ventilator.  He has times now when he is a little bit more alert.  His eyes will open part way and he will turn his head slowly.  This morning we had scripture study together.

After that, it was time to brush teeth.

Yesterday was an eventful day for us. 

The forward for the Utah Grizzlies stopped by for a visit.

Isaac was the winner of Wednesday Bingo and this super cool frog was his prize.  Sidenote:  I took this picture to send to Daddy because it was one of the few times Isaac's eyes were open.  Daddy left Tuesday to start working in Nevada and misses this guy like crazy.

Yesterday even after visits from hockey stars and Bingo prizes, I was feeling kind of blue.  As soon as I realized that my spirits were down and cloudy, I decided to leave Room 9 for a little breather.  I walked down and sat in the cafeteria.  I saw people there who are here with children that are never going to get better.  I saw people who will leave here without their child.  I saw parents that have been here before and who know they will be here again soon.  As I made my way back to Room 9, I was so thankful that I was turning to go into the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit rather than the Neurotrauma Unit.  By the time I returned to Room 9, I felt overwhelmingly blessed instead of blue.  Shortly after, my sister called to say that one of her friends was in the lobby with a snack for me.  I went down to find the girl in the "blue sweater."  This stranger whom I had never seen before, and will likely never see again, handed me two sacks filled with all sorts of groceries and snacks.  I said, "I don't feel like I can take this from you.  I don't even know you."  With tears in her eyes, she responded, "I know, but it's Christmastime, and we wanted to help."  I was reminded of all the times that I have dismissed the prompting to help, or call, or serve, or go visit because I didn't really know them, or because I wouldn't know what to say, or because I didn't really have time.  I was so thankful in that moment that the girl in the blue sweater didn't use any of the excuses that I had become so familiar with.

Last night I was assigned a Parent Sleep Room (yay! another blessing!) so after I read Isaac a bedtime story and said prayers, I was able to find a quiet, dark (freezing cold) place to sleep. 

Yesterday they started to slowly turn the ventilator down slowly to try to wean Isaac off of it, the goal being to extubate him today.  This morning, however, his wean was diagnosed as "failed."  His little sick lungs are not strong enough yet to try and breathe on their own.  Cancel extubation.  Instead they are implementing some new ventilating methods to try and clear out and strengthen his lungs.  His feeding tube made its way out of his intestine where it is supposed to be, so they stopped all feeding until further assessment.  They took out his catheter and are monitoring him closely to make sure he will still use the bathroom.  It was decided to try another medication to treat his high fevers and help with the pain of the chest tube and breathing tube.  His chest tube routinely clogs and stops draining which means they are constantly assessing what to do with it.  Because he will be on long-term IV antibiotics, they will insert a PICC line today. 

This morning Isaac and I studied in 2 Nephi chapters 10 and 11.  In these chapters, the prophet Jacob is recounting the land covenant and says, "let us remember him, and lay aside our sins, and not hang down our heads..." Today these were words I needed to hear.  Jacob goes on to explain that even though they had been driven from Jerusalem, they had been led to a better place for "great are the promises of the Lord" (2 Nephi 10:20-21.)  I told Isaac that this part reminded me of us.  We couldn't stay at home right now, but God prepared a place for us to come where he could get the treatment he needed to be healed. 

Regarding spiritual growth, I am beginning to see that I could not remain in the place I was before this experience.  I trust that even though I have been driven from the place I was comfortable, God is leading me to a better place, and place He has prepared where I can be a better mother, a better servant, a better disciple, and more like my Savior.  Let me remember Him, lay aside my sins, and not hang down my head, for great are the promises of the Lord.