Thirty Days

Our fourth baby is due in thirty days.  Thirty days means only four more Mondays.  When I was pregnant with Levi, my water broke eleven days before he was due, which means it is possible this baby could come in 19 days...or maybe even fewer.

When I was expecting Daisy, I was so afraid of becoming a mother.  I had no idea what to expect and I was paranoid of failure.  When my due date came and went and I was still pregnant, I was relieved because I knew at that point I could do pregnant.  I still didn't know if I could do mommy.  With my two subsequent pregnancies, I felt like the baby was easier to take care of on the inside, so while I was excited to have a new baby, I was also apprehensive of the sleepless nights and bread-dough, postpartum body.

This pregnancy has been such a miracle.  When I started hemorrhaging at 10 weeks, it was very similar to how my miscarriages had been, so I didn't believe that the pregnancy was viable.  Somehow, the baby kept growing even though I kept bleeding.  Then, at 23 weeks, the bleeding stopped.  I have felt great, and the baby is doing great too.  I have been able to exercise every morning, eat whatever I want (which I am sure to regret when I'm trying to lose all this baby weight...), and sleep relatively well.  I have been gifted some super cute maternity clothes so I haven't had to purchase a single thing (even though I probably should have sprung for a new bra...)  A ward member gave us their barely-used crib since our yard sale version bit the dust after 9 years, three kids, and two moves.  I am starting to feel ready for our new little one.

Dear Baby,
I can not wait to meet you!  I feel in so many ways like we already know each other.  Instead of looking forward to meeting you for the first time in a few short weeks, I feel like we will finally be reunited after a long separation.  You already have a special affinity for your daddy.  It is as if you can tell when he is near.  You respond so actively to his low, soothing voice.  I am looking forward to witnessing the relationship between the two of you grow.  Your siblings are bursting with anticipation.  The wait to meet you has been so long for them.  They have watched you grow and comment regularly on how chubby I am getting.  Daisy feels so privileged that the two of you will be sharing a room.  Levi is already assuming the role of protector and explaining what we can and can not do with you, and who can and can not hold you.  Isaac has been the most interactive with you.  You are already very much a part of his life.  He talks to you regularly, tells you goodbye when he is going somewhere, and although he refuses to give kisses to any of us, he kisses my belly daily.  I am thrilled to be your mommy.  I feel as though I am receiving a gift I don't quite deserve.  I promise I will do my very best to care for you and teach you.  And I will always, always love you.  See you soon!
Love,
mom