Seeing the Good

So far recovery has been a "two steps forward, one step back" process.  Isaac has had good days and bad days.  Sometimes he has no energy or appetite at all.

But last night, we turned a corner.

Both the small event, and what it meant, had us all grinning from ear to ear.

We had finished dinner and Daisy was playing with Titus on the floor.  Levi wanted to join in but Daisy wanted Titus all to herself so she wrestled Levi away from him.  A wrestling match ensued.  Before we knew it, Isaac ran across the floor and JUMPED on top of the pile.  For a split second I was worried that he was going to get hurt, but I found myself laughing out loud.  Jeff and I looked at each other knowing that Isaac was getting better.  He was starting an upward climb and not stepping back.

So today we took our first outing.  I took Isaac with me to the grocery store, and then he went with us to Levi's basketball game.  Knowing how susceptible Isaac is to illness right now makes me so fearful of taking him to these places where there are so many germs.  Doing real life things, however, makes him seem healthier and contributes to our emotional healing.

Titus is not very good at being a fan.  He wants to be on the court with his big brother.

Life is not quite "back to normal."  I am spending a good portion of my time every day organizing cabinets and trying to make our new house a home. 

However not normal, I see the world a little differently now.

I see that putting puzzles together with Isaac is a really important thing to do.  I see that reading stories to Levi is a gift.

I see cooking with Isaac as a privilege (and even let him crack the eggs.)

I see Daisy cutting and sectioning a grapefruit for the first time and I see my little girl growing up. 

When I wake up each morning I see opportunity in the day ahead.  I see the dawn.  I enjoy the smell and the lather of the shampoo in the shower.  I take special comfort in praying with my children before sending them off to school each morning. 

I don't really know how to explain this, but somehow I see good in every single person I see.  With the unbelievable outpouring of love and support that our family has received over the past month, I see so much good in the world.  Not everyone has had a child fall suddenly and critically ill, but everyone - every single person you see every single day - deals with very hard things, and we have to have each other to make it through. I see that capacity in the world around me in a way I never could have seen before. 

We go to Primary Children's each Monday for follow up visits. The doctor's explained that if everything goes well and he doesn't have any major setbacks, it would be a full year before Isaac would be "back to normal."  A year seems like a very long time.

But when I see him wrestling with his siblings, when I see that smile, and when I see the good in the world, and in every person I see, I see that we will be just fine.  I see that we will be better, and better means so much to me now.